Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Pass or Fail.

"Love is a Steady Climb"
Less than five minutes into the show, and we were already on our first One on One date.  This time with Chris!  They walk through downtown Charlotte and land in front of the Mint Museum, that supposedly has "the best view."  But this being the Bachelorette, they can't just take the elevator.  They have to scale the building to get up there.  And just in case this wasn't terrifying enough, they have some lightening and thunder to keep them company.

Emily starts to panic a little bit, but they make it to the top without incident.  When they land, Emily says, "I want a man that stays by my side, and Chris passed the test."  She seems to need men to PROVE their affection to her in certain ways, which is not a good indication of her emotional maturity.

At dinner, Chris tells her that he is 25.  This apparently terrifies Emily (who is what, 26?).  She is afraid he isn't ready for her life, but Chris knows what to say.  "I know I'm young, but we're similar in age. And I'm a MAN."  Trust me, Emily-- younger men are the way to go.

Then they stumble upon a random Luke Bryan concert in the middle of downtown Charlotte.  They dance, and it's sweet.  Chris makes a major no-no in my book by asking for a kiss, although it doesn't stop Emily from giving him one.  I'll overlook that minor misstep because he seems fantastic.  He gets the rose.  As he should.

"Let's Play..."
Emily takes the flock to a park and gets them excited about a day of play then abruptly leaves them alone with some soccer balls and footballs.  Because they're men-- they can entertain themselves in a park, right??  She goes to join her girls to inform them that today, they're going to be interrogators.

So, the men parade through the women like cattle, being poked and prodded and made to perform physical acts.  Sean comes out the CLEAR winner-- talks about his faith, his family, not to mention the shirtless push-ups...

At one point, Ryan thinks he'll go sweep Emily off her feet in front of her friends but only manages to put his foot in his mouth.  They're talking about how people let themselves go after they get married. Gentleman that he is, he pipes up with, "I wouldn't be okay with that.  I mean I'd still love you; I just wouldn't love ON you as much."  Well, at least he's honest, I guess??

They all leave the park and head to some lounge that is more appropriate for consuming the requisite adult beverages.  Once again, Sean takes the night.  He talks about his parents' 35 year marriage, and how he has had the perfect example of love.  I think all of us on twitter last night made a collective, "awww!" at that point.  Cut to Doug and his super sad story about him growing up in foster care.  What a juxtaposition...  Then Tony bawls like a little girl for what seems like an eternity because he's separated from his kid.  So, Emily tells him that he should probably go home, and he does, sniffling the whole way.

Of course, the rose goes to Sean, proving that Emily isn't a total moron.

"Love is a Wild Ride"
The last date of the week goes to Arie!  They take a limo then a private plane to... Dollywood.  Yep.  I grew up going to Dollywood, and it doesn't look like it has changed AT ALL.  After riding the rides, they head into the theater where they are supposed to be writing their own love song.  But, the curtain gets pulled back, and there's Dolly!!  Emily flips out.  It was pretty hilarious.  She's apparently a big Dolly Parton fan.  Dolly sings them a song that she wrote just for them, and has some words of wisdom to share with them.  Emily tells Dolly, "I want a guy that I like as much as I love."  I guess that's rare for her, which is sad to me.

Then Dolly serenades them some more while they dance.  Arie kisses her on the head, which is so dang sweet.  They go to dinner-- he tells her that he's ready for a family, and turns the tables on her a bit and asks HER the tough questions about what happened with Brad.  He's adorable, and she gives him a rose.

Rose Ceremony
And just like that, it's Rose Ceremony time!  Kalon jumps at the chance to talk to Emily since he didn't get a date this week.  I can't even begin to recap it, so I'll just give you the transcript:

Kalon: I really take it personally when I didn't get a date this week. I've never had to share much in my life, and to share you with these guys is devastating....I always have believed that my first child would be my own.  So yeah, obviously the idea of potentially embracing you and Ricki into my life, it's not how I wrote it up in my journal as a kid.

Emily:  What if [your mom] met the love of her life and he said, 'You know what? I want my first kid to be my own?'
Kalon: I love it when you talk, but I wish you'd let me finish.
Emily: [Gives Death Stare.] Okay.

Then to the camera, she says "I do like tall, skinny and funny, but I don't like tall, skinny and condescending."  Well honey, glad you've finally figured out that that's what he is-- a condescending narcissist.

The rest is a blur-- Emily breaks Shelly the Egg (at the behest of its owner, whose name I don't care to remember), Alessandro tells Emily that being the father to her child would be a compromise so he gets an express ticket home, Arie and Sean are (again) super sweet, and Ryan WILL. NOT. STOP. TALKING. 

Y'all, I liked Ryan after last week.  I wondered if he was a bit of a stalker after a seven page letter after the first date.  But, he's not a creepy stalker.  He just can't shut up!!  He'd have to go for me-- I can't take that many words being thrown at me.  Not everything has to be said out loud.

Kalon gets a rose, proving that the producers have a pretty big say-so when it comes to deciding who stays and who goes.  The odd man out at the rose ceremony is Stevie, much to Kalon's delight as evidenced by the smug grin on his face.  

Even after making it through to the next round, Ryan is jealous pissed about Arie kissing Emily during the cocktail party, so of course he has to assert how his is bigger. "He's more of a dainty man, and I'm more of a physical guy."  Um, I don't think a dude who races cars at 200mph can be considered a "dainty man," but whatevs.

Turns out, we're done with Charlotte and are heading to Bermuda next week!  

What did you ladies think?


  1. Girl, you know how I feel about Sean and Arie...and Kalon for that matter. I can't believe Kalon stayed. I really actually want to see more of Nate and wonder why he and Michael are still there since they don't talk about them much! I also love Doug and Jef. I can't wait until next week!!

  2. I've never been a huge fan of Ryan, but he's had two bad weeks. Last week, he hogged Emily at the cocktail party even though he already had a rose. This week, he's turned into Mr. Jealousy. ((Although I think I'd probably go crazy with jealousy on this show too ... but since I know that, I'd never sign up.))

    Arie is definitely growing on me. I like how he reached out to her after Alessandro's tough departure.

    I really like Chris too. They seem to really have something together.

  3. oh it is over with Ryan. i liked him last week and now he neeeeds to go.

  4. I hate Ryan after he said that if she got fat he would still love her but wouldn't "love up on her"....ugh. He's a jerk and I want him gone.

  5. I'm done with Kalon and I cannot believe what Allessandro said!

  6. I can't believe Kalon stayed. If he had said that to me, I would've shown him the door immediately. You just don't talk to people that way. Especially people you're trying to date/marry.

    And, um, Sean? YES, PLEASE! Talk about the perfect guy! I like Arie too. It seems like she's most comfortable with him so far.