Monday, March 11, 2013

Lessons Learned (and Still Learning).

Yesterday, we celebrated four months of being married (or our one third-iversary, as Donny calls it...).  And while I am by no means a marriage expert, I have learned a few things.
1. Spend time together.  Spending time together just the two of us is so important.  Some of the best advice we got before the wedding was to have a "date night" just us every week.  I recognize that this is SO much easier now than it will be when we have kids.  But I love the evenings we get spend just us.  It's crucial to have that time to connect.

2. Spend time separate.  Boys like different things than girls. I know it's shocking, but it's true. Being together doesn't mean that you should both stop enjoying things that the other person doesn't care about.  He builds stuff with power tools, I play tennis; he likes The Sopranos, I like the Bachelor; etc.  It's important not to lose your own personality in the relationship and also to support each others' interests.
3. Be encouraging.  Build each other up in your endeavors.  He's both working full-time and taking classes for his degree.  I try to make sure that he knows how proud of him I am.  I also try not to be snarky or critical.  All the wonderful encouraging and supportive words in the world can be quickly forgotten with one well-chosen cutting remark...

4. Be silly together.  This is SO important for us. Donny would probably tell you that I am crazy and weird, but I know he loves it. :)  How boring would life be without a little silliness and a lot of laughter??  Laughter is contagious, and that happiness can eliminate a lot of tension.  Don't lose the sillies!
5. Keep short accounts and let the little things go.  This is so important, and I feel like we both do a good job of this most of the time.  We don't hold grudges or keep track of things that the other person did to us to bring up later.  And we don't let the little things become big things.  Most issues really aren't worth a battle, so we let them go.  And I think it's crucial to pick your battles.  Otherwise you're going to be miserable fretting over small things all the time.  He doesn't rinse off his dishes?  She doesn't hang the shower head up?  Whatever-- let them go.  You'll be much happier.
6. Do nice things for each other.  Little things are huge.  Leave each other notes, get the other person a drink when you go to the kitchen, wash their clothes when you wash yours, share control of the remote, etc. Little things show how much you care.  :)

What good lessons have y'all learned about relationships?


  1. I'm so glad you can still watch The Bachelor! Your marriage would never survive w/o some trash tv. Haha! All great advice!!

  2. You guys are so sweet together! I think it's great you guys have lived by these tips. Sounds to me like you know how to run a marriage. ;)

  3. So proud of both of you!! Excellent lessons learned!! Keep learning. Love you both... MUCH!!!

  4. Katie, this is such a fantastic post. I especially like how you pointed out that you need to spend time together AND time apart. So good for the relationship.

    Excited to be your newest follower!

  5. These are wonderful!! And I think it's important to remember to spend time apart doing your own things. Because then you have stuff to talk about, or joke about, or tease each other about and that creates the silliness and laughter you were talking about! Plus you appreciate being together more :)

  6. I love these little lessons :).